IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeeds or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?

#years #interest #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits #success
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People have different views about the link between the concept of equality and individual accomplishment. In my opinion, both runs parallel as every individual gets a change to success in egalitarian societies irrespective of their gender or wealth,
for instance
Linking Words
. Societies who provide equal opportunities to its citizens
such
Linking Words
 as, educational rights, will produce more achievers because, education is the base to achieve anything, and the place where people can get basic as well as higher studies free of cost will have higher chances to accomplish their goals. In a contrary, in a non egalitarian society rich people can only get higher education,
therefore
Linking Words
 the probability of success proportional to the overall population reduces.
For example
Linking Words
, in America where every individual has a right to get qualified have more successful population. The relationship between the equal rights and achievement can
also
Linking Words
 be explained by an example of a society with gender equality. A society which gives equal opportunities to all of its people irrespective of their gender will have a higher success ratio as compared to the societies who discriminate between them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the number of people participating is proportional to the number of achievers so in societies providing equal chances for everyone results in more chances of victory. In conclusion, both personal achievement and similar rights are directly proportional and the societies which offer the formal have higher successful population.
Submitted by cryptoinvest555 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: