IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the diagram shows how concentrated apple juice is produced

the diagram shows how concentrated apple juice is produced
#apple #juice
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The given diagram illustrated how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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concentrated
apple
Use synonyms
 juice is made. There are eleven main stages which consist of harvesting
apples
Use synonyms
, producing and packaging the
apple
Use synonyms
 juice
then
Linking Words
delivery
Replace the word
delivering
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 it.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
apples
Use synonyms
 are harvested from the tree and picked out
the
Change preposition
as the
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 best
apples
Use synonyms
. Those
apples
Use synonyms
 are received by the conveyor belt to bring to the washing and sorting step. After that, the
apples
Use synonyms
 are put into the
apple
Use synonyms
 grinder to cut and crush them
to
Change preposition
into
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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apple
Use synonyms
 slices.
Next
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
apples
Change the noun form
apple
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 slices are added to the pressing machine
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 to the
cetrifuger
Correct your spelling
centrifuge
 machine and the water
are
Change the verb form
is
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 separated from
Use synonyms
apple
Correct article usage
the apple
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 concentration.
Next
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
,
aroma
Add an article
the aroma
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 is added to the concentration before the filtration
stage
Use synonyms
. After the filtration
stage
Use synonyms
, the pasteurization
stage
Use synonyms
 is where the concentrate
are
Change the verb form
is
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 heated to 80°C temperature. Once
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 steps are completed, the concentration will be moved to the
bottle filling
Add a hyphen
bottle-filling
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stage
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 be packaged in the boxes.
Finally
Linking Words
, when the bottle of concentrated
apple
Use synonyms
 juice
are
Change the verb form
is
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 packaged, those boxes will be delivered to the
costumer
Correct your spelling
customer
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words apple, apples, stage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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