IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

#countries #teenagers #jobs #students #idea #support
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Iin
Suggestion
In
 recent
years it
Accept comma addition
years, it
 is tedious to get any
job
Use synonyms
, yet some teenage
student
Use synonyms
get
Suggestion
gets
 some
oppurtunity
a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances
opportunities
to
Suggestion
To
 do some small time
work
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
however
Suggestion
However
, students working at their young age
is subjected
Suggestion
are subjected
 to discussion.
in
Suggestion
In
 my
opinion i personally
Suggestion
opinion, I personally
opinion I personally
 support that
job
Use synonyms
 will enhance the responsibility
,
Accept space
,
 maturity and
finacial
involving financial matters
financial
 independent among students
.
Accept space
.
Linking Words
to
Suggestion
To
 begin with, teenage
job
Use synonyms
 will enhance the
responsiblity
the social force that binds you to the courses of action demanded by that force
responsibility
 and reliability among the students.
Use synonyms
job
the principal activity in your life that you do to earn money
Job
 with salary will allow them to understand the working nature of the world and prepare them for the future,
hence
Linking Words
 it will help to adapt
for
Suggestion
to
 the full time
job
Use synonyms
 in
future
Suggestion
the future
.
in
Suggestion
In
addtion
a component that is added to something to improve it
addition
 to that, teenage
job
Use synonyms
 will elevate the
reliablity
the quality of being dependable or reliable
reliability
 among
student
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
hence
Linking Words
 they will take the
job
Use synonyms
more serious
Suggestion
more seriously
 and accomplish
wonder
Suggestion
wonders
.
Linking Words
furthermore
in addition
Furthermore
,
Accept space
,
work
Use synonyms
 will induce the maturity among the
student
Use synonyms
.
Accept space
.
Linking Words
for
Suggestion
For
 instance
,
Accept space
,
Use synonyms
student
Suggestion
students
a student
 who
work
Use synonyms
 will have the ability to control the desire of the
unneccassary
not necessary
unnecessary
 items as they know the value of the money.
Linking Words
moreover
in addition
Moreover
,
tennage
being of the age 13 through 19
teenage
job
Use synonyms
 will enhance their confidence and
diminesh
decrease in size, extent, or range
diminish
diminishes
diminished
 their shyness.
Linking Words
similarly
Suggestion
Similarly
, students will be financially independent
.
Accept space
.
Linking Words
for
Suggestion
For
 instance
,
Accept space
,
 the
surevey
consider in a comprehensive way
survey
 conducted by the
indian
a member of the race of people living in America when Europeans arrived
Indian
 government has
show
Suggestion
shown
 that
student
Use synonyms
 who
Use synonyms
work
Suggestion
works
 had not taken any loan
,
Accept space
,
thus
Linking Words
 supporting themselves through their earning
.
Accept space
.
as
Suggestion
As
 well as
,
Accept space
,
finacial
involving financial matters
financial
 savings will provide them
flexibility
Suggestion
the flexibility
 to take any additional courses to help their career
.
Accept space
.
all
Suggestion
All
 things considered, teenage
job
Use synonyms
 will allow them to acquire the
value quality
Accept comma addition
value, quality
 like responsibility
,
Accept space
,
reliablity maturity
Accept comma addition
reliability, maturity
reliability maturity
 among
student
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
 which is impossible to acquire in the
therotical
concerned primarily with theories or hypotheses rather than practical considerations
theoretical
 education.
so
to a very great extent or degree
So
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 personally suggest that teenage
job
Use synonyms
 is mandatory for them to shape their future.
Submitted by kiblaalam.shabeer on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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