Some people think a job not only provides income but also social life. Others think it is better to develop social life with people you do not work with. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The idea is divided into whether
people
should develop
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
life with their colleagues or they would widen the network with those unrelated to their
work
.
However
, there are some benefits of both views, I would argue that
created
Change the form of the verb
creating
show examples
a new relationship would be a great opportunity to have more experiences. On the one hand, there are some reasons why many
supportive
Replace the word
support
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that job not only provides income but
also
social life. In the first place, it is obvious that social connections at
work
can be fostered when there are shared interests between colleagues.
For example
, by increasing the duration of time working together, personnel gain mutual understanding and overcome obstacles, which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
in bonding. In the second place, wages are considered a priority that allows
people
to earn money and have a reasonable quality of life. In fact, every time a worker gets a raise or receives a salary, not only
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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their mood and outlook at
work
but
also
their performance.
On the other hand
,
this
does not mean that socializing outside the
work
is not beneficial.
Firstly
, personal relationships outside the workplace allow
people
to broaden their horizons in various areas.
For instance
,
table
Correct article usage
a table
show examples
man often accompanies a sedentary lifestyle and if his friend is a doctor, his advice on relieving
back-pain
Correct your spelling
back pain
show examples
is highly beneficial.
Moreover
, in order to maintain professionalism, employees are advised to keep a certain distance from each other.
This
can be shown by the example that workplace
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
may be taken lightly, resulting in productivity reduction, if the working environment is too friendly. In general, the above-mentioned facts have created an idea that
people
should start to consider companies and corporations more than just places to make a living.
Submitted by Thanh on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all aspects of the task prompt, and clearly presents a position that addresses both views. Provide in-depth analysis and discussion of both views and give a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of the essay to ensure a clear introduction and conclusion. Develop the main points with clear and relevant supporting details for better coherence and cohesion.

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