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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, the proportion of old people is steadily increasing. Does this trend have more positive or negative effects on society?

#countries #proportion #people #trend #effects #society
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It is undoubtedly that the accelerating rate of the elderly people has ushered in some pressing concerns
for
Suggestion
of
 society as a whole. While it would certainly be easy to garner either benefits or drawbacks of
this
 increasing, I believe that the whole development
bring
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brings
 more negative impacts. On the one hand, there are countless benefits of the raising of aged persons.
First
 and for most, older people have rich experience and knowledge in both
works
Suggestion
work
 and life. It means that they can become
the good
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better
the best
 expertise in many sectors
such
 as education,
healthy
Suggestion
health
 and financial consultants.
In addition
,
older generation
Suggestion
the older generation
 has a positive influence on the arts and culture. Indeed, they are actively involved in the community as member of sport clubs or attend musical concerts,
theaters
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatres
 and art galleries more frequent than younger people.
On the other hand
, the pitfalls of the ageing population should not be underestimated. One striking disadvantage is that the detrimental effect of its on economics. Specifically, an elderly
people
Suggestion
person
 might be unhealthy in their later years and may suffer from painful diseases
such
 as arthritis, leading to become a burden on the social welfare system.
Another
Suggestion
Other
 drawbacks of
this
 trend is that an increase in the older
people rate
Accept comma addition
people, rate
 will be a decrease proportion of people of
work place
Suggestion
the work place
. To explain, there will be more people claiming benefits like state pensions and less people working and paying income taxes, causing a growth up in
dependency ratio
Suggestion
the dependency ratio
. In conclusion, for all the aforementioned reasons,
although
 nobody can deny that the increase of the aging population has positively impacted to the community,
this
 trend is simultaneously negative.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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