IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

people sleep less than before in may countries.Why do people sleep less?What effect does it have on an individual and society?

#people #countries #effect #society
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In various countries, individuals sleep comparatively less than before.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss that the major cause of the same is
overuse
Correct article usage
the overuse
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 of electronic
gadgets
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, and as a
result
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result,
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 various chronic
diseases
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 are impacting the
health
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 of individuals and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 as a whole. With the advancement of technology, people generally lay on their beds with tabs, mobile phones or laptops and unknowingly spend a lot of time on them before sleeping. The use of these
gadgets
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 at the time of sleep, not only kills the sleep
hours
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,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 leads to over-stimulation of the brain which disturbs the sleeping pattern and
thus
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 leads to less sleep. The research done by Times Of India in 2019 clearly states that people who sleep with their
gadgets
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, sleep for an average of 5
hours
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 which is
in contrast
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 to the average 9
hours
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 sleep. On
an
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apply
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average, a person requires 8
hours
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 of sleep and sleeping less than that leads to
Correct article usage
the
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deterioration of not only
individual's
Correct article usage
the individual's
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health
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,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
society
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. Various
diseases
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such
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 as thyroid, PCOD, high blood pressure,
diabetes
Correct word choice
and diabetes
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 are becoming increasingly common and one of the prime reasons for the same is lack of proper sleep. With these
diseases
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 becoming more and more common,
society
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 as a whole is facing
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 epidemic of chronic
diseases
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. It has been stated by WHO that sleep is a vital factor
to maintain
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in maintaining
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 good
health
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 and
thus
Linking Words
 should not be ignored at any cost. In conclusion, the major cause of less sleep in today's world is excessive use of
gadgets
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 at night time and
thus
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 it is leading to the deteriorating
health
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 of
society
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.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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