IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Studies show that many criminals do not receive enough education. For this reason, people believe that the best ways to reduce crime is to educate them so they can find a job after being released. Do you agree or disagree?

#studies #show #criminals #education #reason #people #crime #job
Lack of education and
employment
 opportunities are the main causes of the rising crime rate. Some people,
therefore
, feel that by simply educating prisoners, we can discourage them from committing crimes again after they get released from prison. I totally agree with
this
 view. Almost nobody is born a criminal. Most criminals are victims of circumstances. In f
act most
Accept comma addition
fact, most
of them come from t
he poor
Suggestion
the poorer
poorer
the poorest
strata of the society and lack education.
As a r
esult they
Accept comma addition
result, they
don’t have many
employment
 opportunities. Many of them eventually become thieves or gangsters.
By contrast
, criminal tendencies are comparatively low among educated people. Educating convicted criminals in prison will certainly not erase their shoddy past.
However
, it improves their chances of finding
employment
 once they get released. One of the biggest problems that ex-prisoners face is the lack of rehabilitation opportunities. The society prefers to keep them at an arm’s length and as
such
 they have fewer opportunities for making a living once they complete their sentence. Unfortunately,
this
 increases their chances of getting into crime again. Education may change the situation for good. If prisoners receive an opportunity to learn and acquire vocational or academic degrees from prison, they are more likely to find
employment
 upon their release. When they have a secure job and a means of living, most people will not want to get into crime again. To conclude, education improves a person’s employability. Just because someone is a prisoner, it does not mean that they cannot learn or acquire degrees. In fact, educating prisoners is one of the best things we can do for their rehabilitation and successful induction into the society.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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