IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It is expected in the near future that there will be a higher proportion of old people compared to the younger population in some countries.

#future #proportion #people #population #countries
It is no doubt that in the not too distant future we come across with a rise of the ageing
population
 in some parts of the world, and the number of old people is anticipated to be greater than the younger
population
 in
such
 countries. In my opinion,
this
 trend, in turn, has its profound implications causing damage because of the following reasons. There are many economic issues associated with the ageing
population
. As the senior citizens are beginning to represent the majority of the
population
, participation in the workplace declines.
Hence
, the number of people passing the age of retirement contributes to an increase in dependency rates. Due to a lack of
workforce
, the working-age
population
 has to bear a heavy financial burden and the economic growth will slow.
In addition
, the greater longevity of the ageing
population
, the greater amount of money has to be allocated to the health care system. The authorities would claim more money by putting up taxes to spend on their treatment, which increases the fiscal gap. Apart from financial issues, the ageing
population
 will have disastrous impacts on the
industry
, as the professional
workforce
 will be lost when senior employees retire. In order to fill these vacancies, as many new recruits are required. Due to the shortage of new recruits, there will be nobody available to replace those
retirings
not arrogant or presuming
retiring
.
Moreover
, The ageing
population
 could cause the
industry
 to lose its valuable
workforce
. Older workers are counted as teaching resources in the
industry
 because they use their professional expertise to help newcomers develop. The ageing
population
 could cause the
industry
 to lose its valuable
workforce
. To sum up, I would admit that an incremental increase in the number of baby boomers
bring
Suggestion
brings
 about inevitable consequences, ranging from social to economic issues.
Submitted by shayansa44 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: