IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Small town center shops are running out of business because rural residents tend to go shopping in big cities store. To what extent do the disadvantages of this development outweigh the advantages?

#town #center #shops #business #residents #cities #store #development
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Rural residents going
for
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to
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 shopping in big city stores is resulting in small town centre
shops
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 running out of business. Exposure to new
products
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 may be argued to be an advantage, but the detrimental effect of the
products
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 not being used locally and the fact that sometimes the same product may be available at a higher rate in
cities
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 cannot be ignored. The Rural economy is predominantly dependent on local consumption.
As a result
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 of people going to the local
shops
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 to buy all their needs, these
shops
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 are able to make profits and the
products
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 consumed locally. To illustrate, studies reveal that about 80% of the rural population buy all their things locally.
However
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, with the current
tendencies
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tendency
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for going
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to go
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to bigger
cities
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 for shopping, local produce is not being used, resulting in an impact on the rural economy. Another effect of people not buying locally is that the small shop owners are now forced to sell the produce to the
cities
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 through middlemen.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the rates are increased.
For example
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, the same pair of shirts would cost almost twice in a city shop than in the local rural market. A general argument is that by shopping in big
cities
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, the villagers are exposed to the latest items and they get to choose from
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a
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lot of variety.
For instance
Linking Words
, they may be able to get the latest fertilizers which would benefit them.
While
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this
Linking Words
 can be seen as an advantage, it is minimal when compared to all the negative effects. In conclusion,
while
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 there may be some advantages to buying at big city
store
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stores
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, the negative impact outnumbers the positives.
While
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 ensuring that small
shops
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 do not close down, the government should take measures to make the latest
products
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 available to rural residents.
Submitted by maneeshagr on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the specific points raised in the essay question. Address both the advantages and disadvantages comprehensively and offer a clear position on which side outweighs the other.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, which is good. However, the coherence and flow between paragraphs could be improved to better guide the reader through the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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