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Band 6

Small town center shops are running out of business because rural residents tend to go shopping in big cities store. To what extent do the disadvantages of this development outweigh the advantages?

#town #center #shops #business #residents #cities #store #development
Rural residents going
for
Change preposition
to
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 shopping in big city stores is resulting in small town centre
shops
 running out of business. Exposure to new
products
 may be argued to be an advantage, but the detrimental effect of the
products
 not being used locally and the fact that sometimes the same product may be available at a higher rate in
cities
 cannot be ignored. The Rural economy is predominantly dependent on local consumption.
As a result
 of people going to the local
shops
 to buy all their needs, these
shops
 are able to make profits and the
products
 consumed locally. To illustrate, studies reveal that about 80% of the rural population buy all their things locally.
However
, with the current
tendencies
Fix the agreement mistake
tendency
show examples
for going
Change preposition
to go
show examples
to bigger
cities
 for shopping, local produce is not being used, resulting in an impact on the rural economy. Another effect of people not buying locally is that the small shop owners are now forced to sell the produce to the
cities
 through middlemen.
Consequently
, the rates are increased.
For example
, the same pair of shirts would cost almost twice in a city shop than in the local rural market. A general argument is that by shopping in big
cities
, the villagers are exposed to the latest items and they get to choose from
Change the article
a
show examples
lot of variety.
For instance
, they may be able to get the latest fertilizers which would benefit them.
While
this
 can be seen as an advantage, it is minimal when compared to all the negative effects. In conclusion,
while
 there may be some advantages to buying at big city
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
, the negative impact outnumbers the positives.
While
 ensuring that small
shops
 do not close down, the government should take measures to make the latest
products
 available to rural residents.
Submitted by maneeshagr on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the specific points raised in the essay question. Address both the advantages and disadvantages comprehensively and offer a clear position on which side outweighs the other.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, which is good. However, the coherence and flow between paragraphs could be improved to better guide the reader through the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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