IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You found a problem with the item which you bought it online. Write a letter to the company manager. In your letter, you should: • describe the item • explain what the issue is • suggest what you expect the manager to do

#item #company #manager
More and more
people
 move into large
cities
 in order to avail
the
Correct pronoun usage
themselves the
show examples
 facilities which smaller
cities
 don’t provide as much. Larger
cities
 have more job opportunities for
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and provide more health care facilities, more educational facilities, and more entertainment.
However
, as more
people
 start moving into large
cities
, the demands of
people
 start to outweigh the supply. In Dubai, where I live,
for example
, so many
people
 had moved into the city
last
 year that there were more
people
 and
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 housing units to facilitate them. When the demand becomes more than the supply, the price of everything starts to rise.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, the rents started to reach
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 peaks.
This
 forced
people
 who
wernt
Correct your spelling
weren't
were
 able to afford the skyrocketing rents to move into smaller and cheaper apartments, or to go on sharing apartments with one or more families.
Supply demand
Add a hyphen
Supply-demand
show examples
 imbalance has
also
 caused food to become more expensive, forcing
people
 to go for
alternative
Add an article
an alternative
show examples
, cheaper products of lower quality.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: