There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce. Among them, money is the most important factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
As financial compensation is undoubtedly a crucial motivator to employees, the question of whether or not their loyalty is based exclusively on monetary considerations has garnered widespread interest. A common belief that many people, myself included, advocate is that
this
idea is myopic, and there exist diverse motivations that drive individuals to remain in the workforce.
Proponents of the primacy of money overstate the material benefits it confers upon those in the pursuit of a comfortable and fulfilling life. This
myopic idea, of course, fails to factor in the state of being burnt out, which is physical, and mental exhaustion from prolonged exposure to excessive work
demands. Under this
circumstance, those who trade off their health
for work
may end up with chronic health
issues, namely heart disease and obesity. This
is why a healthy work
-life balance contributes significantly to job satisfaction for many, and they are willing to forgo higher salaries if compromises on their health
are inevitable.
What is more, besides
health
concerns, career
progression and rapports
with colleagues may Fix the agreement mistake
rapport
also
outweigh monetary benefits. With regard to the former, employees would be more dedicated to a certain profession providing career
advancement opportunities, as they understand that these experiences not only enrich their lives but also
make them more marketable in the long run. This
is particularly true in the case of many ride-hailing service workers namely Uber or Lyft who view their job as temporary despite its handsome pay. As far as the latter is concerned, a strong relationship with their colleagues can foster workers’ sense of belonging and a deeper connection to the organization and contribute to job loyalty.
In conclusion, I vehemently oppose the notion that money is the foremost determinant of people’s engagement in their work
, considering the importance of health
, career
ladder and relationship factor
to a Fix the agreement mistake
factors
career
. To reduce it to a singular emphasis on money is to oversimplify the rich tapestry of human motivations in the world of work
.Submitted by nttung.182 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the one before it, and that clear transition sentences are used to maintain a natural flow.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, strive to make the thesis statement even clearer and ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support each main point with more specific examples and data where appropriate, to provide a stronger argument and greater persuasive power.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, address the prompt fully, ensuring that the response remains focused on the extent of the agreement or disagreement with the statement provided throughout the essay.
task achievement
Work on developing ideas fully and presenting them in a structured manner that is easy to follow. Aim to expand on points by explaining the 'why' and 'how' to give a more comprehensive view.
task achievement
Include detailed examples that are directly relevant to the point being made. These examples should serve to clearly illustrate the argument and not detract from it.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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