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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The charts outline the Charlestown
people
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 20 to 69 into
underweight
Use synonyms
, ideal, overweight and obese in 1995 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the chart is the rate of
obesity
Use synonyms
 in all
age
Use synonyms
 groups of
people
Use synonyms
 increased rapidly. It can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
Linking Words
 be seen that
Use synonyms
underweight
Correct article usage
the underweight
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 among all groups saw a significant decline. In the 60-69
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, ideal weight inhabitants plunged over the period. From the
age
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group
Use synonyms
 20 to 29, the zero obese
people
Use synonyms
 in 1995 increased slightly to around 5% of the total population in 2015. The rates of
underweight
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 and ideal weight remained nearly the same in both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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years. In the
age
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Use synonyms
group
Add a comma
,group
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 30-39 in 1995
the
Correct article usage
apply
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obesity
Use synonyms
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 is 0% and in 2015
the
Correct article usage
apply
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underweight
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 contribute nearly 2% which is
least
Correct article usage
the least
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 among all the categories. The percentage of ideal
people
Use synonyms
 in the
age
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group
Use synonyms
 30 to 49 went down by nearly 20%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
obesity
Use synonyms
 rates in the same
group
Use synonyms
 increased by at least 15%. The
obesity
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 rate soared nearly 4 and 6 times among
50
Correct article usage
the 50
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-59 and 60-69
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 respectively. From the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 60-69, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 with ideal weight reduced to below 5% in 2015.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there are nearly thrice as many
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
overweigh
Correct your spelling
overweight
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 inhabitants in 2015 in the same
group
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. Both overweight and
underweight
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percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 had been reduced by around 17% and 2% respectively in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 50-59.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, age, group, underweight, obesity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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