IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

some people think reading stories in books is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #stories #books #tv #computer #games #children
Children nowadays have
diversity
Suggestion
diverse
 ways to enjoy their
times
Suggestion
time
. Some people argue that
younger
Suggestion
the younger
 should spend
times
Suggestion
time
 on books rather than digital products like television and video games. I agree with them in all aspects. Children can build up reading skill
though
by means of; with aid of; through the act or agency of; "destroyed by fire"
through
 books. Reading ability is essential for study and can only
being
Suggestion
be
 obtained though frequent reading.
Furthermore
, it is nearly impossible to develop
this
 skill by watching TV or playing virtual games.
Therefore
, children who spent few times on books will more likely to struggle
in
Suggestion
with
 reading. Which
set
Suggestion
sets
 a burden on obtaining knowledge from
written
Suggestion
writing
 materials. In future education, the disabilities in reading could affect the study of all subjects. Books can shape the way children behave. Children can develop their own values
though
by means of; with aid of; through the act or agency of; "destroyed by fire"
through
 the stories.
For example
, they could learn to be honest though the story of Washington cut down the cherry tree. Since stories will show the outcomes of different choices, it helps children to gain awareness of good
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 and the result of miss
behave
Suggestion
behaves
. It is easy to understand why behave oneself is important in stories since
stories
Suggestion
the stories
 are easy to understand. Digital videos could disturb children's concentration. Children who spend plenty times in front of
screen
Suggestion
the screen
a screen
 find hard to concentrate on study, they get distracted easily. In the contract, reading help children to focus on the thing they are doing. With well attention, can children do their
works
Suggestion
work
 better and quicker, even can
them
people in general
they
 feel achievement. Books have positive impacts on children and build up fundamental abilities for
future
Suggestion
the future
 while television impose a hindered in children’s development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: