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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
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The bar chart compares the expenditure on different
consumer
goods
 by the people of four European countries; namely Britain, France, Italy and Germany. At the first glance,
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
 spent more money on
consumer
goods
while
Germans
Correct article usage
the Germans
show examples
 spent the least. It is worth noticing that,
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
 spent more than 170
thousand
 pound sterling
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 photographic
films
 which is the highest amount spent on any
consumer
goods
. British
also
 spent more than 160
thousand
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 purchasing
Toys
 and CDs, which is higher than that of
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any other nation. For perfumes, tennis racquets and
personal
Replace the word
personnel
show examples
 they spent more than other nations as well.
On the other hand
, French people spent around 165
thousand
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 purchasing photographic
films
, which makes it the highest amount they spent on
consumer
goods
. French citizens spent about 158
thousand
 on
toys
 which is a tie with Italians. For photographic
films
,
toys
 and CDs, their spending totalled
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 highest among the given four nations.
Finally
, they spent less than 150
thousand
 on remaining
consumer
goods
. Italian citizens spent around 150
thousand
 on personal stereos, tennis racquets and CDs
while
 they spent about 5
thousand
 more on photographic
films
 and
toys
.
Finally
, Germans spent
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fewer amount
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 all
consumer
 items than any other nation and their average spending was 145
thousand
.
Submitted by eshanianjula on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumer, goods, thousand, films, toys with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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