IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Certain personal qualities cannot be achieved through university studies. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

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The Modern
education
Use synonyms
 system is designed to encourage competition among students, especially the higher
education
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, some argue that students produced by these institutes are
lac
the state of needing something that is absent or unavailable
lack
laws
less
 of certain personality traits. In my view, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement due to some facts which I will
layout
Suggestion
lay out
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
individualism
Suggestion
individual
 is highly promoted in
curriculum
Suggestion
the curriculum
 of the current universities. Most of the subject content
are consist
Suggestion
consists
consist
is consisting
 of individual projects and assignments.
Thus
Linking Words
, the graduates and undergraduates learning in these institutions become selfish in order to finish
there
of them or themselves
their
 studies successfully. In my own experience, there were very small portion of
group works
Suggestion
the group works
 in my degree program.
However
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, when a student enters the professional world as a fresh graduate more often than not
it find it difficult
Suggestion
find it difficult
 to cope with the demands
such
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 as the team
work
Use synonyms
 because of its educational background. The team
work
Use synonyms
 is highly valued personal quality between the employers in today's world. Another factor involves with
this
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 is the unwillingness to help someone when needed. In universities, students become busy with their own
work
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they forget to care about the batch-mates of theirs with respect to the
education
Use synonyms
 and in the personal life situations.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the quality of helping others starts to wash-up from them. The dangerous effect of
this
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 aspect is when they live in the society, they do not try to help the
neighbors
a person who lives (or is located) near another
neighbours
 and colleagues.
Final outcome
Suggestion
The final outcome
 of
this
Linking Words
 is a selfish society with well educated people who
does not care
Suggestion
do not care
 about others. To recapitulate, current self-
centered
being or placed in the center
centred
 tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 primarily develop individualism and selfishness in the students.
Linking Words
Thus personal
Accept comma addition
Thus, personal
 qualities
such
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 as
team
cooperative work done by a team (especially when it is effective)
teamwork
work
Use synonyms
 and helpfulness of these students gradually decrease from them.
Hence
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, I believe
this
Linking Words
 is true.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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