At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages

Most countries in contemporary times have a greater number of mature people than older ones. While having lots of young adults in society could breed unhealthy competition among the populace, they
however
, contribute to providing a more vibrant workforce, which is more beneficial. A major problem said to be associated with having more young adults in society is that, it increases the level of unhealthy competition among them.
Infact
Suggestion
In fact
,
majority
Suggestion
the majority
of them are influenced by their peers material possessions and financial status, which often results in rivalry. A documentary that was shown on CNN in 2015
for example
, showed that 85 per cent of killings in South Carolina, a county known for having more young people, occurs
as a result
of jealousy and revenge. All in all, there is increasing rate of competition about adults, which often leads to killings.
Moreso
, it is believed that crime rate in any given society increases, when there are more young adults involved. One merit of having more young adults is that, it promotes a healthy and vibrant workforce.
This
is indeed true as they not only fall in the bracket of independent
ratio but
Accept comma addition
ratio, but
also
have the energy and gusto to keep the economy running efficiently. The President of Moravia, a new emerging
economy
Accept comma addition
economy, for
for example
, was interviewed on Aljazira news, where he stated that 95 per cent of the
countries
Suggestion
country's
countries'
success in the area of information technology and
arts
Suggestion
the arts
, is
as a result
of the new employment acts implemented by him.
This
ensured only people between 20-45 years are employed in vital sectors of the nation.
Additionally
, having young people
also
ensures introduction and implementation of innovative ideas, which would translate to efficient running of the
such
country. On the whole, some countries are witnessing
increasing number
Suggestion
an increasing number
of young adults than old people in recent times. While
this
trend is often associated with
rivalry
Suggestion
the rivalry
and crime,
abundance
Suggestion
the abundance
of
these
Accept comma addition
these, however
however
, provides the nation with required human resources necessary for maintaining a vibrant workforce, which is far more beneficial.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
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