IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Due to high unemployment rate in some countries, pupils should be offered only primary education and not secondary education since there is no jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#unemployment #rate #countries #pupils #education #jobs
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Some people reason that
school
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 children should only acquire primary
education
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 and not secondary
as a result
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 of the high rate of unemployment in some countries. I,
however
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, totally disagree with
this
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 point of view because children need s
econdary
Suggestion
the secondary level
level
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 of learning to compete for the few jobs available and
also
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 set up their business if they need to. To start with, the non-availability of adequate jobs in certain countries, means that people need to be highly competitive in order to secure one, and the only way to do
this
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 is through a
cquisition
Suggestion
the acquisition
of secondary
education
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.
In other words
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, employers of labour, both government and private organizations, require more than p
rimary academic qualification.
Suggestion
a primary academic qualification
For instance
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, a recent advertisement placed for employment in some countries, boldly indicated a minimum qualification of secondary
school
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 certificate.
This
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 implies that
school
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 children should be made to go beyond primary
level
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 of learning in order to stand a chance of getting a job.
Furthermore
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, secondary
education
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 equips the children with adequate skills to set up their private businesses. For one thing, in countries where there a
re
Suggestion
is
no much w
orks
Suggestion
work
for people to do, they often resorted into self established works. They,
therefore
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, need to learn the knowledge from a secondary
level
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 of
education
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 as those kinds of skills are not usually taught at primary
level
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. In conclusion, while the non-availability of jobs has led some people into thinking that
school
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 pupils shouldn't study beyond primary
school
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, I totally disagree as
this
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 qualification is not enough to make them competitive and be self-employed.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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