Nowadays, the internet and television have given ordinary people a chance to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development?

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There is no iota of doubt that, television and especially the internet have made it possible for
an
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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everyday people to become a celebrity much more easily
in
Change preposition
than in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the past.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

phenomenon
is offering
Wrong verb form
offers

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb is offering. Consider changing it.

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multifarious benefits to people
lead
Wrong verb form
leading

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb lead. Consider changing it.

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to a regular, innocent person having their life memorable.
However
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, sometimes a couple of problems emerge
due to
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the same. The following paragraphs
would
Wrong verb form
will

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb would. Consider changing it.

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cast light on the pros and cons of
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

development.
To begin
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with the bright side, the ability to become popular through digital media obviously leads to the opportunity to become rich and famous.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in the past,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

was controlled by film studio executives and record labels, but now a typical person can become a star simply by word of mouth.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, many popular YouTube stars became famous (and wealthy) simply by their fans sharing their content and
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

things snowballed from there. On the flip side of the
coil
Correct your spelling
coin

The word coil doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, there are a handful of nasty consequences as well, the dark side of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

ease of access to fame is that it can lead to infamy for a person who maybe did not do much to justify it.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a new star emerging from the internet or a TV talent show, there are myriad more instances of
Everyday
Replace the word
every day

The word Everyday may be used incorrectly. Review the following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

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Joes who have been harassed and had their lives ruined because of public scrutiny.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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aforementioned can arise when someone is completely innocent,
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as in the case of online bullying, or even when someone seeks out attention but is ruthlessly mocked for trying to do something creative.
To conclude
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, an increase in the ability for people to express themselves and their creativity is an enticing thing in general.
Nonetheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in
reality
Add a comma
reality,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase in reality. Consider adding a comma.

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the opportunity to become popular is
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the opportunity to become popular for the wrong reasons.
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coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical structure of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the prompt and provides comprehensive and clear ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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