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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Films and games can be accessed at any time from mobile devices, like smartphones, tablets and laptop computers. Do the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

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Digital tools have changed the way
people
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 live over recent years. Today,
movies
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 and video
games
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 have become accessible at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
time
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 when
people
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 want thanks to digital-mobile devices
such
Linking Words
 as tablets, laptops and mobile phones.
While
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 the opportunity to access
films
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 and
games
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 has mental
benefits
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in
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
users, it will
also
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 lead to digital
addiction
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 and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
decrease the quality of interaction. There are a few advantages that
people
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 are able to access
movies
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 and digital
games
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. The first is that
people
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 can acquire the mental
benefits
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 of both watching
films
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 and playing
games
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.
For example
Linking Words
, both activities can improve brain activity, and
people
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 develop their problem-solving skills by playing
games
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while
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 commuting from
the
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apply
show examples
home to
the
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apply
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work on the local transport.
Thus
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, the accessibility of online
movies
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 and
games
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 can be advantageous for
people
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 to some extent. Despite the
benefits
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, there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
number of drawbacks associated with the accessibility of
films
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 and
games
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. The main problem is that the opportunity to
be accessed
Wrong verb form
access
show examples
movies
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, TV programs and online
games
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 on smartphones, tablets, and laptops at any
time
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 and
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere results in digital
addiction
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. Today, many
people
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 suffer from digital
addiction
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,
according to
Linking Words
 many psychologists.
In addition
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,
this
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 trend weakens the quality of social interaction.
For example
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, the
people
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 of today prefer to watch
films
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 or play video
games
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 over making new friends or interacting with each other at any place.
Therefore
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, the accessibility of online watching and playing
games
Use synonyms
 will be extremely disadvantageous. In conclusion, pastime activities like watching a movie and playing a video game are accessible without the importance of
time
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 and place because of smart devices.
People
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 will have a few
benefits
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 like improving mental health from these online pastime activities at any
time
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,
whereas
Linking Words
this
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 practice comes with a number of disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as digital
addiction
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,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the reduction of social interaction, and weakening social bonds.

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introduction
The introduction provides a clear overview of the topic, but consider rephrasing your thesis statement to make the position clearer. Currently, it seems a bit ambiguous regarding whether you lean more towards advantages or disadvantages.
examples
In your body paragraphs, more specific examples could strengthen your points. Try to include a mix of personal experience, studies, or statistics that vividly illustrate your claims.
cohesion
To enhance cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas, particularly when transitioning from advantages to disadvantages.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main ideas; however, reiterating your stance on whether the advantages outweigh disadvantages or vice versa would provide a stronger closing argument.
strength
You've successfully outlined both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach to your discussion.
strength
The essay maintains clear paragraphing, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of thought.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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