IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many cities, young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity. Why do you think this happens? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some would argue that in many metropolitan
, market
Check wording
areas, market
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 visits for shopping
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become a way to break monotonous routine. I think that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has emerged because of the extremely busy
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of
people
Use synonyms
;
however
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, it is an unwelcome development because it eventually leads to debts. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words
 burgeoning trend.
Firstly
Linking Words
, lack of recreational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as sports grounds and other healthy amenities
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 the younger generation, where they can replenish themselves apart from their hectic routine.
Secondly
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, most young
masses
Check wording
people
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 have a packed routine, and they are unable to spare some time to schedule
Correct article usage
a meet
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meet up
Use the right word
meet-up
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 with their friends or plan
any
Correct determiner usage
a
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 trip to a picnic spot. So, it leads to exhaustion in many
people
Use synonyms
and
Correct word order
apply
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,
they
Correct word order
and they
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 consider shopping as an activity to freshen
up
Change preposition
apply
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themselves
.
Change preposition
up.
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For example
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, a report of a survey conducted in the Centaurus Mall revealed that 70% of
people
Use synonyms
 came here for shopping to experience a change in their routine.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 development has several negative impacts on the life of young persons because they seek gratification in shopping
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 and eventually
ended
Wrong verb form
end
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 up wasting a hefty amount on buying unnecessary things.
However
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, they do not
realize
Change the spelling
realise
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 that they waste a lot of their hard-earned money unintentionally on shopping.
For instance
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, in Canada, the average income of a young person is $20,000, and he spends about $9000 of his income on shopping
unimportant
Change preposition
for unimportant
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 things.
To conclude
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, in cities,
people
Use synonyms
 are living a busy life where they do not have enough opportunities to get a break from their tedious routine
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they consider shopping as an activity to rejoice themselves.
However
Linking Words
, it is a kind of development that needs to be discouraged
because
Punctuation problem
because,
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unknowingly
Punctuation problem
unknowingly,
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 these activities consume a huge amount of money.

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task response
To answer the task, be clear on the two asks. State why young people shop for fun and say if this is good or bad, in a simple, direct line at the end of your first paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Make the flow of ideas smooth. Use a clear plan. Start each paragraph with a short sentence that tells the main point. Use simple connectors like and, but, also, because, so.
evidence or examples
Use one strong example and explain it briefly. If you use a number or place, check it fits the point you make and is easy to see.
grammar and clarity
Check the limits of grammar and word form. Keep sentences short and easy. Use common words and check punctuation and plural forms.
content
The essay shows a clear idea that busy city life can push people to shop for fun.
structure
Introduction and conclusion frame the topic and give a view.
evidence
An example is used to back a point, showing effort.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • disposable income
  • leisure activity
  • retail therapy
  • local economies
  • fashion trends
  • peer pressure
  • social status
  • environmental impact
  • consumption
  • waste
  • materialistic
  • cultural activities
  • prominent
  • neglect
  • therapeutic
  • social media influence
  • boost
  • desire
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