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Band 5.5

Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss on both sides and give your opinion.

#people #traditions #attractions #tourists
There is no doubt that
tourism
industry
 helps many nations develop their
economy which
Accept comma addition
economy, which
 leads to more employment opportunities and new network infrastructure of
host community
Suggestion
the host community
host communities
. The
opinion
 is divided on the matter. There are people who believe
tourism
 has
detrimental effect
Suggestion
a detrimental effect
detrimental effects
 on
cultural heritage
Suggestion
the cultural heritage
 of a nation if it is only used to increase profitability.
However
, others hold the
opinion
 that
this
 helps the host country to rehabilitate its traditions.
This
 essay intends to delve into both sides before forming an
opinion
. I personally side with the latter.
To begin
 with,
although
tourism
 has brought a lot of benefits to many
countries especially
Accept comma addition
countries, especially
 those ailing weak or fragile
economy
, it has deleterious effects on
environment
Suggestion
the environment
 and resources. The areas that were once to be pristine are filled with luxury hotels, commercial airlines, large shopping malls and resorts. The heavy construction and the machinery used for building
such
 tourist destination cause many problems
such
 as soil erosion, loss of virgin land and forest just to name a few.
This
 heavy construction equals pollution and
rises
raise the level or amount of something
raises
 the price of land which indigent people can no longer afford to buy one.
Moreover
, the influx of tourists
arise
Suggestion
arises
 problems
such
 as over consumption of resources and over production of waste.
Overconsumption
 of resources bring about water shortage, loss of natural resources. Over production of waste shows itself in the form of water and air pollution.
Finally
,
this
 tourist
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
centres
Centers
don’t attract
Suggestion
doesn’t attract
 environmentally conscious clientele.
However
, to preserve the cultural tradition, local community
need
Suggestion
needs
 to allocate a considerable amount of money which seems unlikely for many countries to earn in a way other than
tourism
. The
money which
Accept comma addition
money, which
 is attained from
tourism
industry
 can
also
 invest in other important sectors
such
 as education, infrastructure of the city,
economy
 and
industry
, etc.
Besides
, it helps government to conserve
archeological
related to or dealing with or devoted to archaeology
archaeological
 sites which are on the verge of being knocked down. If a country takes a positive approach in alluring
travelers
a person who changes location
travellers
travelling
 from all over the world, it will definitely flourish the country
further
 down the road. To illustrate, china enjoys
tourism
industry which
Accept comma addition
industry, which
 helps the nation develop its infrastructure by adding more metro lines and improving its roads like the commercial road which was built to cut the long distance to Pakistan. Overall, I’m of
opinion
 that preservation of cultural traditions very much depends on the
economy
. To boost the
economy
,
tourism
Suggestion
the tourism industry
industry
 can help governments with their expenditure on different areas like education and non-educational purposes including
archeological
related to or dealing with or devoted to archaeology
archaeological
 sites.
Submitted by xiquachvagau on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Dilution of cultural traditions
  • Authenticity
  • Cultural heritage
  • Revenue
  • Financial support
  • Preservation
  • Promotion
  • Commodification of culture
  • Intrinsic value
  • Exposure
  • Global awareness
  • Respect and understanding
  • Economic gain
  • Local communities
  • Decision-making processes
  • Respectful portrayal
What to do next:
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