IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that books should be stopped in school and that videos, films and computers should be used instead. To what extent do you agree?

#people #books #school #videos #films #computers
With
advancement
Suggestion
the advancement
 of technology, certain nations think that books should be replaced by digital devices in
school
 and all lessons will be
tought
impart skills or knowledge to
taught
 by that
devices
Suggestion
device
. In my opinion, that digital tools should be combined with
school
 programs, but not replaced dramatically.
Moreover
,
school
 teachers can make a plan and
enroll
register formally as a participant or member
enrol
 them as day of watching TV and
ect
take in solid food
eat
. It is clearly evident, that
childrens
a young person of either sex
children
 are
more smarter
Suggestion
smarter
 than elder man,
distinction
Suggestion
a distinction
 between elder generation and
young generation
Suggestion
the young generation
 is
fast learn
Accept comma addition
fast, learn
,
hence
 teaching method by TV, computer can give a bit advantage. Some lessons
are require
Suggestion
require
 video
such
 as history where too much
details
Suggestion
detail
. Many historical facts can be captured by documentary film and can be presented
for
Suggestion
to
school
childrens
a young person of either sex
children
 for easy
percieve
.
Moreover
, certain countries have found video lessons are more beneficial and have included
to
Suggestion
in
with
into
on
school program
Suggestion
the school program
.
Their
Suggestion
There
 have enrolled digital tools as device which support for explanation whole theme.
However
, TV, computer will never replace a
book
. Because with
book
 everyone can build own view regarding
book
 impression, while in a video shows
producer
Suggestion
producer's
 imagination which does not always match. During the reading a
book
 people can generate
impression
Suggestion
impressive
 from
book
 without external influence and keep them in mind.
Book
 can form us as individual, we can take into account that advice what we prefer. In conclusion,
old
Suggestion
the old school teaching program
an old school teaching program
school
 teaching program
should be develop
Suggestion
should develop
should be developed
 with digital tools together.
Furthermore
,
combination
Suggestion
a combination
the combination
 of two
sector
Suggestion
sectors
 can be reached a good result in
education sector
Suggestion
the education sector
.
Submitted by issagali90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: