IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

¬¬¬¬¬Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#¬¬¬¬¬some #people #health #sports #facilities #effect #measures
Many people thought that improving public health can be gained by increasing number of sport facilities, while others think
this
 would have little effect on physical health.
in
Suggestion
In
 my opinion only physical activity cannot help we need a good
diete
a prescribed selection of foods
diet
 along with it. There are groups of people that argues increasing sports
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 can improve physical strength,
it
Suggestion
It
 will help the community to become active by
particapating
taking part in an activity
participating
 in
multiple fithess activity
Suggestion
multiple fitness activities
multiple fitness activity
the multiple fitness activity
, even they can use
trademill
an exercise device consisting of an endless belt on which a person can walk or jog without changing place
treadmills
trade mill
treadmill
 and other
inhouse
done within a business rather than contracted out
in-house
 sports to keep them active in bad weather condition when you cannot go and play
outdore
located, suited for, or taking place in the open air
outdoor
 sports
on
Suggestion
On
 the other hand
,
Accept space
,
there are groups that do not think
only sport facility
Suggestion
the only sport facility
 alone can help
,
Accept space
,
 there should
also
 be an awareness
programs
Suggestion
program
 organized to educate people and show them
importance
Suggestion
the importance
 of
healthy diete
Suggestion
a healthy diet
healthy diet
healthy diets
for
Suggestion
to
 fit
body
Suggestion
the body
.
one
Suggestion
One
 should have proper
nutrations
(physiology) the organic process of nourishing or being nourished; the processes by which an organism assimilates food and uses it for growth and maintenance
nutrition
 that
act
Suggestion
acts
 as fuel to
human body
Suggestion
the human body
in
Suggestion
In
 my
conclusion while
Accept comma addition
conclusion, while
 physical sporting activity keeps us active we
also
 require healthy food to keep
enery
(physics) a thermodynamic quantity equivalent to the capacity of a physical system to do work; the units of energy are joules or ergs
energy
 required for sports.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: