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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Job
Use synonyms
 seeking is always an arduous problem that a fresh graduate has to deal with when they enter the
job
Use synonyms
 market for the first time. Some
people
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 believe that teenagers should have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
full freedom to choose their occupations,
whereas
Linking Words
 others contend that youngsters should think in a more practical way by considering the
career
Use synonyms
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
 of the
job
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. On the one hand, if young
people
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 can choose a
career
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 of their own free will, they will have more passion and motivation towards the
career
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. They will devote more of themselves
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
career
Use synonyms
, because it is something they love, assuming they choose an occupation that
fit
Change the verb form
fits
show examples
 their own interest.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can allow them to perform well in the workplace as their passion would act as a
driven
Replace the word
driving
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 force to push them
further
Linking Words
, thinking about how to excel in their occupation.
Moreover
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, those performing well in the workplace are always regarded as having better interpersonal
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. It is because they have more confidence to communicate with their colleagues, given that they are doing well in the
job
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, if a youngster is forced to choose an occupation he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not like, he will just perform the daily routine of the
job
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 without thinking about how to improve his performance. It turns out that he would be frustrated and failed to be a high-flyer in the company.
On the other hand
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, opponents think that fresh graduates should pick their
career
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 in a more realistic way of evaluating the
career
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 path and the salary that a
job
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 can offer them.
For instance
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, a graduate who is good at biology
is
Verb problem
apply
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now
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 two choices which are becoming a biology teacher or an animal researcher. If he thinks in a practical way, he will choose
biology
Correct article usage
a biology
show examples
 teacher, which can guarantee him a promising
career
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 path and a decent salary.
Consequently
Linking Words
, he will not choose
researcher
Correct article usage
a researcher
show examples
 because is it difficult to get a promotion in the research field since there is no clear promotion standard. The example proved that it is always necessary to think realistically when
people
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 have to earn a living.
In addition
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, it is normal that
people
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 have to earn enough fortune before they pursue their
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
. From my point of view, the conclusion is young
people
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 should consider more the solid
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 before they acquire a
job
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 or else they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 regret
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
what they did
due to
Linking Words
 the low salary or poor
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
. Pursuing own interest is normal, but it is necessary to have enough savings first.

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introduction conclusion present
Provide a stronger, more engaging conclusion that reinforces your viewpoint.
relevant specific examples
Include a variety of examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. This will make your points more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
Revise sentences for grammatical accuracy. For instance, replace `he do not like` with `he does not like`. Small errors affect clarity.
logical structure
The essay is well-structured, with clear arguments for both sides of the discussion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and help to structure the essay.
supported main points
The main points are supported with examples, making the arguments solid and credible.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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