IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to s3x and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to s3x and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.
#graphs #show #music #albums #people #britain #x #age #report #university #lecturer #information
The charts illustrate the information about the type of
music
albums
 purchased by different age groups of both male and female British populations. The survey was conducted by s3x, which included
pop
,
rock
 and classical
music
.
Overall
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
British elder
people
 preferred classical
music
 compared to
pop
 and
rock
music
. 25-30 age group
people
 are interested in all kinds of
music
. Males contributed to huge
sales
 than
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 in all kinds of
music
. Youth
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aged between 16 and 24 are highly interested in
pop
 and
rock
music
Replace the word
musicians
show examples
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 contributed around 30% of
sales
 in each. Middle aged
people
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 from 25 to 35 are the
people
 who brought most
pop
 and
rock
music
albums
 with over 30% of whole
sales
 in both areas. Elder
people
aging
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 more than 45 contributed very less compared to
people
aging
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 below 45 and above 35 in
pop
 and
rock
music
sales
.
On the other hand
, classical
music
albums
 are more popular among older
people
 of
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 group above 45 with almost 20% of total
sales
.
This
 was followed by 25-35 aged
people
 with around 15% of
sales
.
People
aging
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 between 16 to 24 and between 35-44 showed very little in buying classical
music
albums
 as they both contributed less than 5% of
sales
. Males contributed to approximately 10%, 10% and 5% higher
sales
 than females in
pop
,
rock
 and classical
albums
 respectively.
Submitted by Goutham on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words music, albums, pop, rock, people, sales with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph representation
  • categorized
  • predominant
  • disparities
  • similarities
  • age-related preferences
  • noticeable trends
  • age brackets
  • wider appeal
  • demographics
  • speculate
  • resurgence
  • vinyl records
  • digital streaming
  • music genres
  • albums purchases
What to do next:
Look at other essays: