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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
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People have adopted different kind of occupations in their life according to their choice or obligations and are getting varied salaries according to their job. In today's era, famous people like actor, actresses, players, musicians
etcetera are
Accept comma addition
etcetera, are
 receiving
high
Suggestion
high salaries
a high salary
salary
Use synonyms
 as compared to others. In my opinion, I do not believe that celebrities have received more
salary
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. I am going to explain my point of view in following paragraphs and describe about the jobs which should be paid more. I believe that film stars, sportsmen, musicians get
Use synonyms
salary according
Accept comma addition
salary, according
 to their capability. In order to achieve success, everyone has to work hard and in order to become celebrities, people have made a lot of efforts. Only well known personalities are receiving good income.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person worked really hard and with full dedication to become a successful football player. After becoming well known player, he is playing for his nation and by winning medals, he is able to make his
country
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 feel proud. In
similar manner
Suggestion
a similar manner
, film stars and pop musicians are trying to eradicate the social issues with which their
country
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 is suffering by giving
message
Suggestion
a message
 to the public through their movies or songs respectively. So, they are getting money according to their capability and hard work, they are doing. Beside that
jobs
Suggestion
job
 of nurses are not paying them good income. Nurses are serving the
country
Use synonyms
 by saving the life of individuals. They are doing a lot for the human welfare without any expectations. So, they should be paid more
salary
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the workers working in small factories are performing their jobs for more than nine to ten hours per day and are not paid
good
Suggestion
good salaries
salary
Use synonyms
. So, they are not even able to meet their basic needs. Due to
such
Linking Words
 conditions of the
country
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, most of the population is
under
Suggestion
below
poverty line
Suggestion
the poverty line
. In conclusion, I would like to say that no employment is superior or inferior. Employees should be paid
salary
Use synonyms
 on the basis of
amount
Suggestion
the amount
 of work
done but
Accept comma addition
done, but
 not depending upon the standard of the occupation they are doing.
Submitted by gaganbrar7007 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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