IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#fatherhood #motherhood #idea #women #babies #children
Parenting is the responsibility of the
both
 parents.
Hence
 the school of thought that women are the ones to
soley
without any others being included or involved
solely
 cater for their children, since they are responsible for that birth should not be encouraged.
This
 essay will discuss why parenting should be made by
both
 spouses.
To begin
 with, Parenthood should be made by
both
spouse
Suggestion
spouses
,
this
 is because roles differs. The role of a father is different from that of a mother. A woman's job basically is to nurture a
child
 and
for
Suggestion
in
 the home.
while
Suggestion
While
 a father's role is to provide protection and take care of the financial burden of the family.
Therefore if
Accept comma addition
Therefore, if
 a woman is solely responsible for catering for a
child
, the offspring may not get the best care of his or her development.
For example
. According to a
survery
consider in a comprehensive way
survey
, 30 percent of children who grew up
with out
in absence of
without
 their fathers, find it difficult in doing some certain sports. When they asked why, they responded that they never had a father to teach them.
This
 shows the importance of parents being involved in their
children
Suggestion
children's
 lives.
Secondly
, parenting is less burdensome when
both
 parents are involved. If one parent is in charge of bringing up a
child
, it could be very tasking
thus
 affecting the well being of the responsible parent. But if shared, the burden is less;
Consequently
, creating each parent can have their own personal for rest and other activities. In conclusion,
although
 it is thought that women are responsible for the welfare of a
child
,
however
, parenting should be
done
produced by a manufacturing process
made
 by
both
spouse
Suggestion
spouses
 to reduce stress and to provide a healthy environment for a
child
.
Submitted by Mabel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: