IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Teenage offenders should be treated in the same way as adult criminals. Do you agree?

#offenders #adult #criminals
Teens are found to be frolicking around these days.
As a result
, there is a debate as to whether any of them caught in
crime
 be punished like adult criminals. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with
this
 notion, because, they are ignorant of their actions and acts under pressure.
Firstly
, the majority of teenagers are probably not aware of the repercussions of their acts.
That is
 to say, because of the fact that they are inexperienced, they tend to explore virtually everything and in the process get entangled in criminality. Irrespective of the
crime
, it would be
bettero
Suggestion
better to
better o
better on
 educate them and see
crime
 as a forbidden act rather than being disciplined as the elderly one's.
Lastly
, some adolescents are under unnecessary pressures from friends and parents. In
order
not the same one or ones already mentioned or implied
other
 words, the fear of
been
the state or fact of existing
being
 ridiculed has pushed the majority of these youngsters to engage in
unfavorable
not encouraging or approving or pleasing
unfavourable
 things.
Instead
 of
been
the state or fact of existing
being
 exposed to unpleasant punishment like adults, they are better of
enlightened
Suggestion
the enlightened
.
Consequently
,
this
 would make them distaste
crime
 and embrace lawfulness. In conclusion, any teenager caught in
crime
, in my view, should be made to serve lighter terms and the public should be educated on the end results of undue pressure on children.
Submitted by Mabel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile
  • rehabilitation
  • impulse control
  • recidivism
  • incarceration
  • brain development
  • psychological effects
  • social implications
  • severity
  • criminal justice system
  • ethical considerations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: