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Band 5

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #railways #roads
Railways and roads both are important transportation methods.Some believe that
government
should spent
Suggestion
should spend
 more money on development of
railways while
Accept comma addition
railways, while
 opponents argue that
government
 should
spent
Suggestion
spend
 more
money on maintain of
Suggestion
money to maintain
money to maintain of
money on maintain on
money on maintain on on
 roads.
This
 essay will discuss the benefits of developing railway system in a country
by
Suggestion
of
government
.
To begin
 with, trains carry more people than
road
 transportation at the same
time
. Improving railways help to reduce the traffic jams in the roads.
As a result
 of
this
 the amount of carbon dioxide release
in to
expresses motion to a point on, or within, something
into
 the environment will decrease.
Futhermore
in addition
Furthermore
,
Accept space
,
most workers are always with under pressure because of
the competitive present
Suggestion
the present competitive
 world. Using their own vehicle could be
danger
Suggestion
dangerous
 because there are numerous
road
 rules and sometimes
this
 may cause to accidents.
Therefore
, railways are
more safer
Suggestion
safer
 than roads. For an example, my
aunty
the sister of your father or mother; the wife of your uncle
aunt
always go
Suggestion
always goes
wo
the person or persons that; the one that
who
work
at
Suggestion
on
last
 minute. She is driving dangerous way because she wants to go to
work
 on
time
.
Moreover
, passengers who use trains are able to
travel
more faster
Suggestion
faster
 than the transporters who use the
road
 transportation systems.
As a result
 of
this
 human can earn their
time
 and practice to
work
 on
time
everyday
Suggestion
every day
. As an example, in my country Sri Lanka, if my mother
travel
Suggestion
travels
 to
work
by
Suggestion
with
 our
own vehicle it
Suggestion
own vehicle, it
 takes more than 2 hours for her to go to
office
Suggestion
the office
 but when she
travel
Suggestion
travels
 by train it just takes 45 minutes.
In addition
, the railway transport method cost much low price to
travel
 than
road
 systems
such
 as cars and taxis. For an example, one of my
friend
Suggestion
friends
 who lives in Australia said that it costs more than $15 for him to go to university per day when he
travel
 by using
road
 vehicles but if he use the train it just costs less than $10 to
travel
. In conclusion, trains offer many advantages to
human
Suggestion
humanity, such
humanity such
such
 as carrying more people at the same
time
, safety, lack of
time
 and lack of cost.
Although
 these points are I believe that
government
 should
spent
Suggestion
spend
 more money on
railway system
Suggestion
the railway system
railway systems
 because it is more convenient for citizens in a country.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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