Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #shops #food #drinks #health

Shops

Suggestion

Sharps

should not be allowed to sell any

food

or drink that have been scientifically

proved

Suggestion

proven

to have bad effects to people’s

health

. To what extent do you agree or disagree? While some foods and drinks

have been proved

Suggestion

have proven

heath-destructive, I disagree with the view that they should be prohibited in all shops. There are many reasons to believe that the sales of foods and drinks damaging to people’s

health

produces negative effects.

For instance

, some fast

food

contains excessive amount of fat and calories, and if adults consume too much of them, they will become sick, being unable to undertake

works

Suggestion

work

or even to live normal lives. More importantly, some drinks,

such

as coca cola, enjoy wide

popularity

Suggestion

popular

among young children. These drinks involve chemicals that can devastate human bones, and as children are in a key stage of growing up, taking these drinks can have negative

influence

Suggestion

Influence

on their physical development. All these factors add up to the

thinking

Suggestion

Thinking

that shops should not be encouraged to sell

health

-damaging foods and

drinks

Suggestion

Drinks

However

, despite the serious impact

Suggestion

health

, the sales of these foods and drinks should not be forbidden in all shops. Many important traditional snacks are considered unhealthy, due

Accept comma addition

to, for

for example

being too oily or salty, but they are not

regarded as main

Suggestion

regarded as a main

food

.Provided they are taken in minimal amount, the damage to people’s

health

acceptable

Suggestion

Acceptable

, and people can settle the

health

problem by taking exercises.

In addition

, a

big

Suggestion

The biggest

Big

proportion of these foods are fast

food

, which provide considerable benefits for people in workplaces, because it can fit into those people’s tight

schedule

Suggestion

schedules

. If shops are barred from selling foods like hamburgers and sandwiches,

those

plural of "this"

these

people will end up in great inconvenience. In conclusion,

although

some

food

and drink are claimed harmful to

health

in scientific terms

Accept space

I believe that a comprehensive restraining order is not necessary.

Submitted by lulaluclacfamily on Sun Oct 20 2019

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

10 paragraphs

311 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

scientifically proven
bad for people's health
shops
allowed
disagree
freedom
choices
consume
banning
products
focus
educating
regulations
guidelines
nutritional information
packaging
promote
balanced diet
encourage
healthier choices

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Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell food or drinks that are scientifically proven to be bad for people's health. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news event.Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantage?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

People believe that Generation Z (1997-2007) are more dishonest than previous generations. What is the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?