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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritise health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #taxes #governments #prioritise #health #care #priorities #taxpayers #money
Administrations around the world have a range of financial responsibilities.
Health
care
 is an important
government
 service that requires high levels of funding.
While
 some members of the community feel that
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
services
 are the top priority for
government
 funding, others believe that governments should be prioritizing
education
.
Health
Correct your spelling
Healthcare
show examples
care
services
 play a critical role in the general
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of our communities. At some point in our lives, we will all require professional medical assistance.
In particular
, children and the elderly are the demographic groups that tend to need more access to
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
 facilities. Unfortunately, the young are often least able to take
care
 of themselves. They need assistance to deal with the range of
health
 issues that might confront them in their lives. Governments are charged with
this
 responsibility
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and must devote significant financial resources to the provision of medical
services
.
However
, providing
health
care
 for the public is an expensive undertaking, and some people contend that these funds should be devoted to other public
services
. One argument suggests that the
health
 of an individual is the responsibility of that individual. People
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 refuse to take good
care
 of their own
health
 should not be given the support of a
government funded
Add a hyphen
government-funded
show examples
health
care
 system. The argument holds that it is better to prioritize the funding of
education
 than to give money to people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have chosen to live unhealthy lifestyles.
To conclude
, the prioritizing of funding for public
services
 is a difficult task. Both
education
 and
health
care
 are important priorities for the administrators of all countries. Perhaps a good compromise would be more
government
 funding for public
education
 on
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
 issues.
Submitted by lulaluclacfamily on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both views on prioritizing government spending on health care and education. Well done!
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows good coherence and cohesion with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are logically connected, making the essay easy to follow.
task response
Clear presentation of arguments for both health care and education priorities
coherence cohesion
Well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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