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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children’s #leisure #activities #waste #time
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Children are very sophisticated matter, too much pressure or less pressure may affect their
growth
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, arguments on children’s spare time, whether it should be educational or if it is not educational, it may be unproductive. I would like to be on the side of the statement. Children always love to learn through fun. Meanwhile, technology is creating
new opportunity
Suggestion
new opportunities
a new opportunity
 for children to use their leisure time learning through various
application
Suggestion
applications
,
such
Linking Words
 as Chu Choo TV and KIDCO and so on.
However
Linking Words
, to keep up with the fast pace world, children have to be productive and analytical, meanwhile, to boost their
growth
Use synonyms
, they should use toys or parents should provide toys which will help them
in
Suggestion
with
 good mental
growth
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, children in poor countries
always suffers
Suggestion
always suffer
 for the better educations and learning methods unlike
develop
Suggestion
developing
 countries.
There
Suggestion
Their
 children can be educated through the form of playing or learning cartoons.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think
to
to a degree exceeding normal or proper limits
too
 much pressure on children could cause brain damages. They considering children should not be
pressurize
Suggestion
pressurized
 to do anything and
Use synonyms
growth
Suggestion
the growth
 of the mental and physical should be natural. Some of them
also
Linking Words
 claim that various technological applications drove them to the unstable mental problems. Like, what happened in the year 2013 in India, a child killed his beloved pet, due to
this
Linking Words
 shock, he went insane and still doctors are fighting to recover him from that trauma. At the end of the argument, I would like to draw attention that everything has
positive and negative effect
Suggestion
a positive and negative effect
 as Albert Einstein said it. Children are like soft toy and we have to handle them carefully. If we guide our children in
proper manner
Suggestion
the proper manner
a proper manner
 and use their luxury time to educate them in various
way
Suggestion
ways
 by
consulting child specialist
Suggestion
a consulting child specialist
consulting child specialists
, will make them more futuristic and focused.
Submitted by hbk.robin.bashar on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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