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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years
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The first graph below bar graphs provides information about the
computer
Use synonyms
 ownership percentage in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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 of
Add an article
the
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population in 5 different years
while
Linking Words
 the
second
Linking Words
 chart describes the possession of
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 on the basis of education level in two different years 2002 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be observed from the graph, the popularity of
central
Correct article usage
the central
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 processing
unit
Fix the agreement mistake
units
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 increased over the given period.
Similarly
Linking Words
, CPU ownership by literacy rate
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
follows a growing trend. It can be deduced from the given information, the percentage of desktops owned by people in all education
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
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 in 2010 are higher
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compared to 2002.The educational institutes which have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
post graduate
Correct your spelling
postgraduate
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qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
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 had a larger number of computers than other institutions. In terms of
computer
Use synonyms
 ownership by population, it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gradually grew from over 45% in 2002 to above 70% in 2010.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2002 the
computer
Use synonyms
 owned by high
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 accounted for 10%,
whereas
Linking Words
 above 45% of schools
holding
Wrong verb form
held
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 PC in 2010.
Computer
Use synonyms
 procession was very high in postgraduate qualification colleges,which accounted
above
Change preposition
for above
show examples
 75% in 2002
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 value rose above 90% in 2010.
All
Change preposition
For all
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 other institutes like
collage
Correct your spelling
college
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, high
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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, and bachelor’s degree institutions the
computer
Use synonyms
 procession figure increased significantly in 2010
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
compared to 2002.
Submitted by preethikishre on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend analysis
  • population demographics
  • educational attainment
  • disparities
  • technological advancement
  • digital divide
  • market penetration
  • socio-economic factors
  • predictive insights
  • statistical significance
  • longitudinal study
  • accessibility
  • affordability
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