IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. What is your opinion?

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Some people would argue that women should be given the same positions as men in a
country
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's armed forces, while others think that these roles are not for them.
This
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 essay supports the former statement because the government needs
both
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 genders to secure the
country
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 and women these days are physically as capable as men. On the one hand, a
country
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 needs
both
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 genders in their
police
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 or army forces to deal with various kinds of people. Criminals are not only men, and soldiers have to protect families consisting
both
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 sexes as well. Because females like to be threatened by female too, a state needs to have female officers or soldiers to take care of them.
For example
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, many international airports have separated search rooms to investigate passengers and they allow only female officers to be in women's chamber. I believe many countries require all genders in the armed forces.
On the other hand
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,
police
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 officers' or soldiers' tasks are physically demanding, so women would find it too hard for them. Strength and endurance are mandatory for the armed forces because the nature of their tasks.
For example
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, a
police
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 officer needs to stand for hours at intersections to control traffic flows, and a soldier must carry kilograms of ammunitions regularly.
This
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 is why some people think that men must carry these tasks because they are usually stronger than women.
However
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, I do not think it is still applicable, because many women these days are as strong as men. In conclusion,
this
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 essay has discussed whether
police
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 officers and soldiers have to be males only or males and females. While these jobs are physically demanding, a
country
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 needs employees consisting
both
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 genders to deal with people and due to the fact that women as strong as men.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • diverse perspectives
  • team effectiveness
  • decision-making
  • physical fitness
  • performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • community policing
  • inclusive society
  • equitable society
  • valuable contributions
  • inspiration
  • role models
  • skill set
  • demanding roles
  • comfort and understanding
What to do next:
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