One of the consequences of improved medical care is that the people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #outweigh

Modern Medical facilities and technological advancement in

health sector

Suggestion

the health sector

has

have

Suggestion

had

brought marvels to the world

Accept space

Cures to deadly diseases like malaria

Accept space

polio and many others has increased the average lifespan of human beings. Medical researchers are working

further

nano technology

the branch of engineering that deals with things smaller than 100 nanometers (especially with the manipulation of individual molecules)

nanotechnology

to eradicate disease like cancer. Some might not like over population of

old

Suggestion

older

people and their impact on available resources

Accept space

On the contrary

Accept space

I believe increased life expectancy has more merits than disadvantage. People are now more aware and

health

conscious by knowing the consequences of contagious and life threatening diseases. People now take care

health

by having proper diet, exercise schedule and taking preventive measures like vaccines to avoid any

health

hazards when they grow old.

Hence

people are now more active and governments of certain countries

has

Suggestion

have also increased

also

increased

age

Suggestion

the age

for retirement since they can work more and contribute to

society

further

. Having mature

work force

the force of workers available

workforce

with experience

in field like

Suggestion

in a field like

teaching

Accept space

lawyers and doctors have helped young professional immensely. Some of old folks

instead

retiring they

Accept comma addition

retiring, they

are starting their own business which in turn has reduced unemployment in

job market

Suggestion

the job market

. Many opine that old people are

burden

Suggestion

burdened

to current

society

. Which I completely disagree, because they are not sitting idle at home and spending

tax payer

someone who pays taxes

taxpayer

money in

form

Suggestion

the form

of social security or food coupons.Matter of fact they are contributing to

society

by still working. The infrastructure like schools, transportation systems and welfare fund we have because of them. They were the one who paid taxes and now we are taking benefits of their

handwork

a work produced by hand labor

handiwork

. If treat them like

burden

Suggestion

a burden

instead

of respecting them. Very soon our future generation would do the same to us and treat us redundant. In

conclusion I

Accept comma addition

conclusion, I

would like to cite that technological innovation has led to increase life expectancy. We should welcome the experienced workforce contributing to

society

Instead

of focusing on older generation as

burden

Suggestion

a burden

Submitted by sawayejer on Wed Oct 23 2019

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

319 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that the people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing.Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

You play a team sport with some friends. Last week a member of the team had an accident and wasn’t able to play with you at the weekend. You decide to write to him in the hospital, telling him about the match

Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the reals need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Weddings are getting bigger and more expensive. What is the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?