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Band 5.5

‘Some people think that changing people’s attitudes to other countries, and culture is an important factor in reducing world poverty. Others, however, feel that the most important method is trade.’

#‘some #people #people’s #attitudes #countries #culture #factor #world #poverty #method #trade
Only a small percent of the world’s population lives in rich countries. Yet, they own more than 80 percent of the global wealth. Some people claim that we need to change our
attitude
 towards other countries to eradicate poverty from the world. Others feel that increasing trade is the solution. In my opinion, we need a change in
attitude
 as well as a boost in trade. Nations are obsessed with their boundaries. They only want to take care of the people living within their boundaries. If eliminating poverty from the world is the goal, countries and their people have to think beyond their boundaries. People need to realize that everyone irrespective of their nationality, religion or ethnicity belong to
one family – humanity
Suggestion
the one family – humanity
. Rich countries already have a considerable amount of wealth lying unused in their coffers. The moment they start using
this
 wealth for the betterment of humanity, poverty will be a thing of
past
Suggestion
the past
.
This
, of course, requires a change in their
attitude
 towards poor countries and their people. An increase in trade is important too. It is wrong to assume that a nation can progress entirely on financial aid received from other countries. While foreign aid certainly helps in building infrastructure and other facilities, it does not arrive in unlimited amounts.
Therefore rather
Accept comma addition
Therefore, rather
 than placing too much reliance on international aid, poor countries should try to boost their domestic and international trades to create jobs and improve their economies. To conclude, rather than leaving the poor countries to their fate, rich countries should come forward to solve the problems plaguing them. People need to realize that irrespective of their skin colour or nationality, they all belong to one species and as
such
 it is their duty to give help where it is required.
This
 is not possible without changing our
attitude
 towards other countries and people.
Submitted by sawayejer on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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