IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. write a letter to this businessman, In your letter - remind him when and where you met. - tell him what kind of job you are interested in - say why you think would be suitable for the job.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr

The abbreviated title Mr. seems to be punctuated incorrectly. Consider changing the punctuation.

show examples
 Sam, I am writing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 letter to remind you to get a job. When I was travelling from Bombay to Ahmedabad by plane, I was sitting
next
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 to you. While travelling we discussed a lot, and I was suggested by you for the job in your
restaurants
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and you gave me your visiting card. I completed
Bachelor
Correct article usage
a Bachelor

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 of Commerce in 2016 so I would like to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 as an Accountant in one of your
restaurants
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. I have been working in a company for three years, so if I get a chance to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in your
restaurants
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, I would definitely like to
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 on the same approach. As I mentioned before that I have three years
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

work
Change preposition
of work

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 experience as
as
Correct your spelling
an

The word as doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
 Accountant so I can easily
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in your workplace. I am an honest, persistent and
straight forward
Correct your spelling
straightforward

The word straight forward seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

show examples
 person, so I will definitely try my best for your
restaurants
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. If you want my background details, you can contact
with
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
my current employer. I look forward to hearing from you.
Correct the word
Yours
show examples
Your
Correct your spelling
Yours

The word Your doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
 sincerely, Parth Patel.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • chain of restaurants
  • potential job opportunity
  • relevant experience
  • managerial role
  • customer service
  • qualifications
  • certifications
  • unique skills
  • eagerness
  • admiration
  • resume
  • references
  • face-to-face meeting
What to do next:
Look at other essays: