IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

#children #time #computer #games #sports #development
Nowadays, an overwhelming number of children are spending more time on playing computer games rather than on sports.
This
 is mainly because computer games are addictive and children are unaware of the incredible
health
 benefits of playing sports. It is a negative development which brings detrimental effects to the
health
 as well as mental well-being of a child.
Firstly
, children are addicted to computers as it offers a variety of games.
Moreover
, computers have become affordable for many families and,
therefore
, children have easy access to it. Sometimes explicit images and videos would be getting played in between the games.
This
 can adversely affect not only their studies but
also
 mental well-being. Another point to consider is that parents being too busy with their work do not make their child aware of the incredible benefits of playing sport. After having
hectic work
Suggestion
a hectic work
 at the office, parents want to wind down at home by encouraging their children to play online games.
This
 sedentary lifestyle can seriously affect
health
 of children.
In addition
, children consume more food than they burnout through physical activity
such
 as playing sports, which can incline them to obesity.
Finally
, children may inadvertently reveal their personal information while signing up for a game.
This
 can result in identity theft.
In addition
 to that the anonymity in online profile enables people to make uncivil communication. In some group games, comments are enabled throughout the game and children may become a victim of cyberbullying. In conclusion, playing computer games adversely affect the
health
 and mental well-being of a child and
hence
 is a negative development.
Submitted by sreelakshmi.in on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: