Some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #country #side #cities #towns #countryside #situation

country

Correct your spelling

countryside

show examples

side

can be described as being more quiet in comparison to a

city

or town. More young

people

are relocating to live in cities, thereby leaving only old

people

in the

country

Correct your spelling

countryside

show examples

side

This

move is usually in the pursuit of better opportunities in education, jobs and business. A resultant effect of

this

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

overcrowding and

increased

Correct article usage

an increased

show examples

crime rate in the

city

. To start with, overcrowding,

also

known as overpopulation tends to put a strain on the available resources in the

city

. When

this

happens the cost of living becomes inflated as there are

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

resources available to cater for the growing population. Let us take

for

Add the comma(s)

, for

show examples

instance, the

city

of Lagos in Nigeria. The population is estimated to be 21 million and comfortable housing

cost

Wrong verb form

costs

show examples

nothing less than 1 million annually. Again, there are

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

jobs to cater to the increasing demand of the population in these cities and when

this

happens, young

people

take to crime in a bid to survive.

For example

, in Nigeria, Port Harcourt is known to be the hub of kidnapping.

This

wouldn’t be so if there were better job opportunities for the youths. I am in no way trying to defend the actions of criminals but just stating that there

will

Wrong verb form

would

show examples

be a noticeable drop in crime rates if there were more available jobs. To remedy

this

situation, there should be job creation in the

country

Correct your spelling

countryside

show examples

side

, so young

people

have a reason to stay. The quality of education should

als

Correct your spelling

also

be standard, so parents don’t see the need to send

theirs

Correct the word

their

show examples

kids to school in towns. The government can

also

play an important role by funding small and medium enterprises and bringing other development initiatives to the

country

Correct your spelling

countryside

show examples

side

. In conclusion, once there are equal opportunities available to the young in the

city

and countryside, the need to move to the

city

will decrease immensely.

Submitted by steph_annieg on Fri Oct 25 2019

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task response

Task Response: The essay addresses the given prompt by discussing the problems caused by the migration of young people to the cities and providing solutions to the situation. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more specific and comprehensive in addressing the issue.

coherence cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is generally maintained, with clear progression between ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion require more development to provide a stronger framework for the essay. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices can be improved to create smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

315 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

At present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries goverments are investing in new technology to deal with public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of goverment money?