IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that art is an essential subject and every child should learn it in school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Among all the
of
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apply
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subjects,
art
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 is very important and should be
the
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apply
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part of every child’s curriculum. I would agree with the statement because it can develop creativity
as well as
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 psychologically it plays a vital role in one’s
life
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. The ability to create things is considered
as
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apply
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a part of the
art
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 and it helps the child to build his or her intellectual capabilities. Creativity has a wide range, it can be a craft work, painting, drawings so on and so forth. These things increase the imagination power and enhance their cognitive
skills
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. Every child has some talent but
need
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needs
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 to sharpen their
skills
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by
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through
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 practice so that can perform well.
Along with
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it
Add a comma
it,
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 they can even pursue
this
Linking Words
 as a career in future too.
For example
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, recent
researches
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research
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 proves that those children who do practice
in
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apply
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Use synonyms
art
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the art
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 would perform better in all aspects of
life
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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 is a tool that can be used
as
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for
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 anxiety,
stress
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and stress
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 management
additionally
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 we can identify emotional disturbances through painting, drawing and different
sort
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sorts
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 of imagination. Every person either children or
adult
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adults
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 is facing difficulties and hardships in their
life
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 that might raise mental health problems
such
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 as stress, anxiety, depression and other phobias. By using these
skills
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, we can rule out the problem areas
as well as
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 help in controlling increasing issues.
For instance
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, it has
proven
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been proven
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 through studies that those people who are suffering from any psychological issue can share their concerns more easily and can be better treated through
by
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apply
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these techniques.
To conclude
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,
subject
Correct article usage
the subject
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Use synonyms
art
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of art
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 is very crucial that focuses on
skills
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 which have
indirect
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an indirect
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 impact on
person’s
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a person’s
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life
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 because
art
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 is some kind of mind diversional activity
that is
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 very necessary for
the
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apply
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well-being. Henceforth, it must be added
in
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to
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 the school courses.

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task response
In the introduction, you have stated your agreement with the statement, but you have not provided a clear outline of your opinion. It is important to clearly state your position in the introduction to set the stage for the rest of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure in terms of organizing the ideas. Each paragraph should develop a single main point, and the paragraphs should be logically connected to each other. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas and create a smooth flow of information.
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