IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many people believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree?

#teenagers #people #parents #time #work #children
The modern world is seeing a rise in the number of social problems involving teenagers. A lot of people attribute
this
 problem to the fact that parents work for long hours and
consequently
 spend less
time
 with their children.
This
 is certainly a factor causing the social issues, but there are more causes of
such
 problems. The corporate culture these days demands people to work for long hours to meet their key responsibilities and rise up the corporate ladder. Due to
this
, people end up spending less
time
 with their family, making the children a little distant from them. The children, being distant, miss out on learning some important life skills
such
 as empathy in their lives, leading them to cause certain problems socially.
For instance
, children who do not spend enough quality
time
 with their parents are often found quite aloof at school.
Thus
, it is quite important that parents maintain a healthy work-life balance and spend some valuable
time
 with their kids. Despite the fact that not being with children enough is a problem, it is
also
 worth noticing that there are some bigger issues to address when it comes to raising the kids. Parents these days make sure that they provide every comfort for their children even before the child asks for it. Since the kids get what they want without even striving for it, they do not realise its worth, and generally end up taking things for granted.
This
 not only makes the children greedy, but
also
 makes them impatient, leading to some of the most common social problems.
For example
, the impatience in the teenagers is one of the biggest causes of traffic jams on roads these days. It is
therefore
 important that the patience and humility are some of the crucial life-skills that parents must teach their children. Raising children with the right values is very important to make a healthy society.
This
 essay discussed that while it can be good for the parents to spend quality
time
 with their kids, it is more important to inculcate the right values in them so as to ensure that their children do not create troubles to the society they live in.
Submitted by tkapoor on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!