IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

#media #attention #lives #relationships #celebrities #actors #singers #footballers #time #people
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The media focu
ses mor
Suggestion
focus
e on live
s and
Suggestion
the lives
 relationships of famous peop
le but som
Accept comma addition
people, but
e people believe that simp
le
Suggestion
the simple life
life
Use synonyms
 of people who have achieved success in their lives should be reported
instead
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. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement that
life
Use synonyms
 of ordinary people should be reported more on the media.
To begin
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 with, publishing lives of the celebrities itself is not a way to boast of what amazing
life
Use synonyms
 celebrities have yet the media has tend
ency to
Suggestion
tended
tendered
encourage communities through their true stories which are about how they succeeded in their careers from living in underprivileged living conditions to getting experienced in sexual and domestic violence. To exemplify, African American chil
dren especially you
Accept comma addition
children, especially
ng girls could be motivated by stor
y of
Suggestion
the story
the most famous woman, Oprah Winfrey and her
life
Use synonyms
 story could bring self-confidence, strength, goal to those girls who are suffering from racism.
Second
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, the activities of the famous people on t
he
Suggestion
in
 media is o
ne
Suggestion
are
 of the positive tools which could advocate communities and appeal other well-known people to contribute to the society for
sol
Suggestion
in
ving the issues. Many Hollywood stars take initiative in building up different kinds of foundations whose aims are to tackle the problems
such
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 as millions of orphans, food malnutrition, environmental issues we face every day.
For instance
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, Angelina Joly started her
vol
female pronoun; a female, or something regarded as female, e.g. a ship
she
u
nteerism to
tell voluntarily
volunteers
give hands to set up shelters for orphan children in Africa.
However
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, there are so many ordinary people that could be role models in the society To sum up, it is clearly that media should present the lives and relationship of celebrities which could positively influence on raising awareness of other people and giving hope to young generations.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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