IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is compulsory for children to attend school between the age of 5 and 16,Many people are in favour of raising the age at which children must start their schooling to 6 or 7,and the age at which they are allowed their parents while the teenagers would gain more from staying in school longer

#children #school #age #people #favour #parents #teenagers
Education
 plays a crucial role in
individual's life
Suggestion
an individual's life
the individual's life
 and it is compulsory for children to start their schooling at the
age
 of 5 and 16
,
Accept space
,
because it is the right
time
 to lay a good foundation of
education
 and shop allowing at 17 or 18, child as they lose their interest in their studies and they attach
with
Suggestion
to
 their parents badly
beacuse
for the reason that; on account of
because
 they stay at home for a long
time
. I believe that beginning study in
eariler
earlier in time; previously
earlier
age
 is directly or indirectly beneficial for today's generation. These days beginning
education
 in
eariler
earlier in time; previously
earlier
age
 is very important for teenagers. In earlier
age
Suggestion
ages
, children have
very sharp mind
Suggestion
a very sharp mind
 to grasp the new things very easily which will help
to
Suggestion
with
 large lay a good foundation of
education
.
Moveover
Suggestion
Move over
, interaction with peers and teachers on
daily basis
Suggestion
a daily basis
 their communication skills will be improved
ans
in order to; used instead of "to", especially after try, come, go
and
 they will communicate with Fluency at
early
Suggestion
an early age
age
. Apart from
this
, they learn social skills and leadership qualities which will make them better decision makers.
For instance
, In Western countries children start their
education
 in very at the
age
 of 17 or 18 and
also
 enjoy their success.
On the other hand
, some people are in favour of raising the ages
to
Suggestion
of
 6 or 7
,
Accept space
,
they believe that children should spend their maximum
time
 with their parents rather than school because they
thing
an instance of deliberate thinking
think
 if children will go to school in
eariler
Suggestion
an earlier age
earlier age
earlier ages
age
, they will learn only other cultures and away from own culture and they do not want to put
burden
Suggestion
the burden
a burden
 of study on them in early
age
.
For example
, In many villages still parents do not allow the children to go to school in
earlier
Suggestion
an earlier age
earlier ages
age
beacuse
for the reason that; on account of
because
 they think their children still very young for
education
on
Suggestion
at
in
 the
age
 of 10 In my opinion, children should start their
education
 on right
time
beacuse
for the reason that; on account of
because
 if they stay at home for
longer
Suggestion
a longer time
time
 will get more
attach
Suggestion
attached
with
Suggestion
to
 their parents and get more lazy.
Moreover
, they will not settle as well.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: