IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010.
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graphs illustrate the percentage of
computer
Use synonyms
 ownership in the
population
Use synonyms
 over period
8
Change preposition
of 8
show examples
years and based on education level in the years 2002 and 2010. The education level
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
surveyed were no high
school
Use synonyms
diploma
Use synonyms
, high
school
Use synonyms
 graduate, college (incomplete), bachelor’s degree and postgraduate qualification. Over
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
8
Change preposition
of 8
show examples
years, it can be seen that
computer
Use synonyms
 ownership
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased gradually. It is around 55% used in 2002
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and became 70% in 2010. The upward of the
computer
Use synonyms
 user based on different education
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 which
was have
Change the verb form
had
show examples
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 trend, around 10 – 20%, exception
no
Change preposition
of no
show examples
 high
school
Use synonyms
diploma
Use synonyms
 that had
increasing
Change the verb form
to increase
show examples
 around 25%. The highest
population
Use synonyms
 that used
Use synonyms
Add an article
a computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 was postgraduate
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
, both in 2002 and 2010,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
population
Use synonyms
 was no high
school
Use synonyms
diploma
Use synonyms
. In 2010, addition around 20%
percentage
Change preposition
of percentage
show examples
 postgraduate
population
Use synonyms
 used
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 from 70% in 2002.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 no high
school
Use synonyms
diploma
Use synonyms
 added around 25% from 10% in 2002. So, commonly the
commonly
Change the adverb
common
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
 ownership was increased.
Submitted by namirahtea on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Linking words: Add more linking words.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, population, school, diploma with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend analysis
  • population demographics
  • educational attainment
  • disparities
  • technological advancement
  • digital divide
  • market penetration
  • socio-economic factors
  • predictive insights
  • statistical significance
  • longitudinal study
  • accessibility
  • affordability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: