IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #job #future
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Every generation of
people
Use synonyms
 debate on how one should choose a profession in their adult life. Some think the choice of work should consider the individual's future in that profession,
whereas
Linking Words
 others feel that young adults should be free to choose the
job
Use synonyms
 they like. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will look into both the views and the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation should be free to choose their
jobs
Use synonyms
. Choosing a
job
Use synonyms
 realistically would highly increase one's career growth and future
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities. Rapidly expanding organization needs more employees, and
as a result
Linking Words
, would create more new
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, During the Information Technology boom in the year 2000, demand for IT professionals grew 15% year on year creating
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
 for young graduates and professionals. So realistically choosing a
job
Use synonyms
 in
developing
Correct article usage
a developing
show examples
 field or industry would make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climbing the corporate ladder easier for working
people
Use synonyms
. On the other side, selecting a
job
Use synonyms
 freely based on the individual’s interest and passion would lead
Change preposition
to
show examples
a fulfilling and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
satisfying career. Clearly,
people
Use synonyms
 would perform the
job
Use synonyms
 better with complete dedication and commitment, as it was chosen freely based on their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
A
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research shows that the performance of
people
Use synonyms
 who had chosen the
jobs
Use synonyms
 freely is on
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
average 15% more than others who did not.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they greatly contribute to the success of the projects and
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
 a healthy relationship with other employees.
Hence
Linking Words
, Everyone, particularly young adults should choose the
job
Use synonyms
 freely based on their interest and liking. In Conclusion,
People
Use synonyms
 should be able to freely choose the
job
Use synonyms
 that they like as
this
Linking Words
 leads to a fulfilling and satisfying career and life. Everyone should be able to choose the
job
Use synonyms
 and demand the pay for the
job
Use synonyms
 that they do.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider providing a few more concrete examples and statistics to substantiate your claims. Adding diverse and specific examples can strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph sticks to one main idea and explore it fully before moving on to the next. This can enhance the clarity of your ideas.
Introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage by presenting both views and outlining the structure of the essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion clearly restates your opinion and summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
Logical Structure
The paragraphs are logically structured, and the essay has a coherent flow, making it easy for readers to follow your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
What to do next:
Look at other essays: