Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Every generation of
people
debate on how one should choose a profession in their adult life. Some think the choice of work should consider the individual's future in that profession,
whereas
others feel that young adults should be free to choose the
job
they like. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
we will look into both the views and the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
why
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation should be free to choose their
jobs
. Choosing a
job
realistically would highly increase one's career growth and future
job
opportunities. Rapidly expanding organization needs more employees, and
as a result
, would create more new
high paying
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high-paying
show examples
jobs
.
For example
, During the Information Technology boom in the year 2000, demand for IT professionals grew 15% year on year creating
high paying
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high-paying
show examples
jobs
for young graduates and professionals. So realistically choosing a
job
in
developing
Correct article usage
a developing
show examples
field or industry would make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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climbing the corporate ladder easier for working
people
. On the other side, selecting a
job
freely based on the individual’s interest and passion would lead
Change preposition
to
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a fulfilling and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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satisfying career. Clearly,
people
would perform the
job
better with complete dedication and commitment, as it was chosen freely based on their
interest
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interests
show examples
.
For example
,
A
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apply
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research shows that the performance of
people
who had chosen the
jobs
freely is on
an
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apply
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average 15% more than others who did not.
Furthermore
, they greatly contribute to the success of the projects and
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
a healthy relationship with other employees.
Hence
, Everyone, particularly young adults should choose the
job
freely based on their interest and liking. In Conclusion,
People
should be able to freely choose the
job
that they like as
this
leads to a fulfilling and satisfying career and life. Everyone should be able to choose the
job
and demand the pay for the
job
that they do.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a few more concrete examples and statistics to substantiate your claims. Adding diverse and specific examples can strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph sticks to one main idea and explore it fully before moving on to the next. This can enhance the clarity of your ideas.
Introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage by presenting both views and outlining the structure of the essay.
Conclusion
The conclusion clearly restates your opinion and summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
Logical Structure
The paragraphs are logically structured, and the essay has a coherent flow, making it easy for readers to follow your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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