The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extend do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#media #attention #lives #relationships #celebrities #actors #singers #footballers #time #people

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These days media channels prefer to showcase private lives and relationships of the stars or reputable individuals in sports and other entertainment industries rather than illustrating

life

Use synonyms

aspects of simple people. As an ordinary citizen, I totally agree that the news regarding renowned people is becoming overwhelming, we have a right to receive balanced

information

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as well.

Firstly

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this

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essay will discuss the fact that how

this

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kind of news have been reached at harmful level and

secondly

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, discuss why balanced

information

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is crucial for residents.

First

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and foremost, always watching and reading sportsmen or

entertainers experienced

Accept comma addition

entertainers, experienced

usually luxury utilization and hippy

life

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pattern influences negatively on our younger generation’s behaviour. From my observations, a lot of adolescents have been wasting their parents’ money in order to purchase so costly branded products. The main reason for doing

this

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is that they just want to look like

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the stars they admire. For

instant

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an instant

, one of my cousins was grown up cared by an au pair. She watched every TV, which usually displays sensational news, reality show and entertainment programs. Today, she has become a person who always asks money from her parents to look

similarly

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with Beyonce, one of the best singers in the world.

This

Linking Words

is a clear illustration of how one-sided

information

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has reached at harmful levels.

Furthermore

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, the citizens have the right to know balanced

information

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. According to the content analysis, which was conducted among several Mongolian TV channels, sensational, shocking and unpleasant hot news, particularly about celebrities’ private lives accounts for an almost half proportion in the TV programs. It shows that too much space is being allocated by the media

Suggestion

for

this

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kind of people who share so small amount of total population in our society. We

also

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need to receive our mass’s lives in order to find out and understand authentic

life

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circumstance.

This

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will open-up eyes of residents, especially their children and assist them to live wisely. In short, I believe the media should be responsible for reporting the balanced news including both famous and ordinary folks’

life

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. If we always receive just one-sided

information

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, our

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generation cannot realise the reality of the

life

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Submitted by tsogoo.uk on Thu Nov 07 2019

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

362 words

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