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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of the society. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

In today's era, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
showing
Wrong verb form
show
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 interest towards painting,
sculptures
Fix the agreement mistake
sculpture
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,
dance
Correct word choice
and dance
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 as a basic thing in their life and feel
as
Correct pronoun usage
it as
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 a stress release from their day-to-day hectic busy schedule. In my opinion, these play a significant role both in elderly
people
Use synonyms
 and youngsters who have good taste and passion
in
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for
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 these
arts
Use synonyms
 and dance.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate the importance and reasons in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
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,
In
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in
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this
Linking Words
 present world,
due to
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 the increase in modern inventions in almost every field like automobiles, electronics,
household
Correct word choice
and household
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 appliances, the work burden has reduced to a little extent. Even though,
in addition
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 to that, some
people
Use synonyms
 are showing concern
in
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about
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Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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 and sculptures to get
stress free
Use the right word
stress-free
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 from their busy office
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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.
For example
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,
In
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in
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 India, the majority of the
people
Use synonyms
 show interest in fine
arts
Use synonyms
 like Bharatanatyam, Kathakali, etc.. The enjoyment and
feel
Wrong verb form
feeling is
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stress
Correct article usage
a stress
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 reliever.
Secondly
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, Most of the schools
introducing
Wrong verb form
introduce
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 at least two classes of
this
Linking Words
 cultural activity per week. So that children will feel
relief
Replace the word
relieved
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 from the studies and will show interest and enthusiasm towards these cultural activities like singing and dancing
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
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..
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 most of the developing countries, researchers have revealed that if we inculcate the
arts
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 and cultural activities as a part
in
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of
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 their daily timetable, it will improve their concentration towards studies. In conclusion, I strongly agree that art and music even today play an indispensable role in most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals. And it is necessary that today's generation should
also
Linking Words
 show enthusiasm and learn. It is our responsibility as parents and teachers to explain the importance and allow them to learn these fine
arts
Use synonyms
 if they are really interested.

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task
Make a clear plan and state your answer in the first or second line.
development
Give more main ideas and explain each with one or two facts or ideas.
grammar
Use short and clear sentences; break long ideas into two sentences.
coherence
Use simple linking words to help flow.
accuracy
Check small spelling and grammar mistakes (capital letters, punctuation).
content
The essay shows a clear view that art and music are important.
structure
There is a plan with three parts: stress, school, and conclusion.
examples
It cites a local example (India) to back a point.
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