IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine
It is often argued that prevention of illnesses and health issues is of greater importance than therapy and medicine.
Hence
,
government
Suggestion
the government
 should take
this
 into consideration in the allocation of funds. Undoubtedly, by deterring the diseases, we are eliminating the problem from its roots. Since there are many
illnesses including
Accept comma addition
illnesses, including
 the most common like cardiovascular diseases and diabetes caused by unhealthy food and lack of physical activity, much expenditure on health care can be reduced. If
government
Suggestion
the government
 raised more awareness about the detrimental consequences of
such
 lifestyle, than there would be a decline of cases of these diseases.
However
, there are myriad diseases, which cannot be prevented. Despite all the precautions many viruses and infections manage to penetrate the human body. Number of diseases are inherited,
thus
 the only way to live for these people is
med
Suggestion
MED
meet
 compliance. Beyond that, reasons of many illnesses remain challenges of our time and even of those, which seemed already comprehended.
For example
, a non-smoker, who leads a healthy lifestyle, can still have a
lungs
Suggestion
lung
 cancer.
Consequently
, the therapy must be present and require financing as well as drug research. In conclusion, determent and treatment jointly represent an integrated and holistic approach against health problems. With
this
 in mind the government should allocate funds on the equal basis to tackle a problem from different directions.
Submitted by alinamierna on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: