IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays shops have extended opening hours almost every day of the week in many countries. Is it a positive or negative development for shoppers and local community?

Shopping is one of the most significant activities for people, especially during leisure time for relaxation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these days, markets are
opening
Replace the word
open
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 from
sunshine
Check wording
sunrise
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 to
sunsets
Fix the agreement mistake
sunset
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 and whole seven days
in
Change preposition
of
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 week. I think
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it brings
a
Correct article usage
apply
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plenty of positive development for the owners,
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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, buyers and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. To commence with, there are various supermarkets that can open about 24
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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weeks
Fix the agreement mistake
week
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 in different countries for several purposes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 modern era, citizens are busy
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they have to work
according to
Linking Words
 their duty schedules.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the nursing profession,
nurse's
Check wording
nurses
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 work approximately 24
hours
Use synonyms
 a day
Punctuation problem
, as
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 work routines
also
Linking Words
changed
Wrong verb form
change
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 every week.
Hence
Linking Words
, when shops have extended opening
hours
Use synonyms
, they can easily do shopping
any
Change preposition
at any
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 pace of the
weeks
Fix the agreement mistake
week
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when stores run a longer duration, employees will
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 because a number of
persons
Check wording
people
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 might get employment opportunities.
In addition
Linking Words
, owners of the department can earn an ample
of
Check wording
amount of
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 money
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when their business
raises
Verb problem
grows
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 effectively.
Then
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 money circulates gradually within the country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if individual income is growing, they need to pay taxes to the government. So, taxes become the main
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
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 of development of the nation. Apart from that,
24
Correct your spelling
24-hour
hours
Use synonyms
 opening markets provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
security to local people, especially walkers who will arrive home late
due to
Linking Words
 their office located far away from the house. In conclusion, the way of
the enlarging
Correct word order
enlarging the
show examples
 second
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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markets
Fix the agreement mistake
market
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run
Verb problem
apply
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assists
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 to get jobs and security
while
Linking Words
 walking.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is directly related to the advancement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

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task
The answer is clear on some good points, but it misses the view of a possible bad side. Add a short line in the intro to show your view and add at least one point that shows a negative side or a limit.
coherence
The writing uses many linking words, but some sentences are long and hard. Make one idea per paragraph and start each with a clear topic point. Use simple, short sentences.
advantage
The writer shows many groups can gain from longer hours.
structure
There is some linking of ideas with words like 'Furthermore' and 'Hence'.
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